Unforgivable Sinner
by StarBucksIsLife9
Summary: "Im sorry, for disapointing you, and I'm going to miss you", Spencer hung up the phone, tears dripping down her face, hoping that somebody will come and find her before she does this, but sheof all people should know, hope breeds eternal misery


**Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this.**

 **Trigger Warning: Suicide (graphic)**

 **This is set in 7x18 where the girls are discussing what to do at the Radley bar.**

 **Spencers P O V**

I sigh, looking at the phone in the middle of the table, _choose one or you all lose,_ I read from it.

"I should turn myself in, I was the one who hit him", Hanna says, her voice going back and forth in my head, I don't understand why A.D would do this. "No... I was the one who married that creep", adds Ali, shaking her head.

To be honest I don't know what to do, for once Spencer Hastings doesn't have a plan, a stupid thing to think really, I'm not a Hastings, I never was, I was, I am... a shadow. The problematic, good for nothing Drake.

"Don't you guys see what's happening, A.D is doing what they want, tearing us apart", spits Emily, leaning back. Then an idea enters into my mind, not a pleasant one, not a good one, but one that I have to do.

I stand up, dusting off my pants, "Where are you going", Hanna asks, her voice is confused, she will understand later. "I'm going to fix this", I say, "I'll figure something out".

I walk out the Radley, I pass Ashley and give her a small smile. I'll miss everybody, and the girls, but this is the best way, nobody gets hurt, and I'm out of everybody's way.

It's no lie I haven't thought about this before, that's it's been sleeping in my mind for years, how easy it can be to end it all. I rub my temples as I get closer to my car. I started feeling like this when me and Toby broke up, I was out of contact with the girls, barely had any friends, I was drowning in my emotions.

I thought when I came back to Rosewood, it would all fall into place again, I'd be happy, have my friends, maybe meet someone new. But I didn't, it was like everything started to crumble and fall, I mean, I act strong, tough, like the normal Spencer... But what even is normal for me?

I feel a tear run down my face as I hop into my car, I was going to tell Aria how I'd been feeling, maybe get some help. But when I saw her in a black hoodie, I don't know, it just hurt, I felt betrayed.

I watch as the many houses fly by, how many people are living happy, great lives while I'm stuck in a hell hole. I'm almost at the pharmacy now, I exhale, taking off my trench coat when I get to the traffic light. It's a bit cold, it doesn't bother me though.

Tears swim down my face, as many times as I wanted to do this, I never actually thought... I would... I wipe my eyes as I start to park my car, once I'm done I walk into the pharmacy. I breathe in deeply, feeling a mixture of sadness and satisfaction.

I walk over to the front desk with my prescription for sleeping pills, I always kept it in my car just in case the nightmares came back from the dollhouse. "Spencer...", I hear behind me, I don't want to turn around, I know the voice from anywhere.

"Hi... Mona", I say cheerily, "what are you doing here", she says, eyeing the bottle in my hands.

"Nothing important", I smile, ignoring the fact I'm about to kill myself, "Spence... Have you been crying", she asks sympathetically, Mona and I may not have the best relationship, but she always cared about the wellbeing of people.

"No", I say, shaking my head, "why would you think that?". "You've got mascara running down your face", She says, placing a hand on my left forearm, "I haven't been crying", I add, it would have been believeable, if I hadn't started crying midway through my sentence. "Did you wanna go someplace to talk", she asks, smiling weakly.

I shake my head, clutching the bottle so hard it might break, personally I hope she doesn't notice they are sleeping pills. "I've got to go", I whisper, still choking back sobs. "Okay, call me if you need me okay", she says as I walk out the store.

I curse myself for being so stupid, I jump into my car, slamming the door and speeding off. I know where I'm going, it's close to here. It's always been my safe place, my happy place, now my last place.

I turn on my iPod loud, putting it in my ears, it's pumps in my ear, the slow melody calming my body.

 _Singing blues has been getting old_

 _You can be my full time baby_

 _Hot or Cold_

In a matter of minutes I'm there, the warm sunlight tickling my face, the cliff before the whole of Rosewood. I sigh, I remember this is one of the first places Toby and I went when we started dating. I open the door of my car and walk out, kicking off my shoes, the soft grass making room for my feet, it's so beautiful here.

It's also the place Mona fell off when she was the first A. It was easy then, a few texts maybe a note now and then. But now we are playing with body parts and jail.

 _Don't break me down_

 _I've been travelling to long_

 _I've been trying to hard_

 _With one pretty song_

I grab out my phone, opening snapchat, I take a photo of up here, the cliff, the sun melting away all problems, the tiny houses, making me feel small, the grass and trees.

I start to write on there, one line, four words, a million thoughts. _Hope Breeds Eternal Misery._ I then put it onto my story, sighing.

I then go onto my contacts, Rosewood police station. A few rings start to go until I hear a voice.

"Detective Tanner Speaking"

"Hi, it's Spencer"

"Hello Spencer, how can I owe the pleasure?"

"I need to tell you something"

"Go on"

"I killed Jessica Dilaurentis, and Archer Dunhill, I did it myself"

"Do you know this is first degree murder and we are coming to find you"

"I know"

Then I end the call, it was half true, I mean, I didn't kill Jessica, and with Dunhill I didn't exactly do it by myself, but if the girls are okay, I'm happy.

 _I hear the birds on the summer breeze_

 _I drive fast, I am alone in midnight_

 _Been trying hard not to get in to trouble but I, I've got a war in my mind._

Next is Aria, I dial her number, tears running down my face, but luckily, I get voicemail.

"Hi, this is Aria Montgomery speaking, I can't anwser your call at the moment, but I'll get back to you soon"

"Hello Aria, this is Spencer. I ugh, well I'm going to miss you because, your not going to see me again and I love you, and I'm sorry for ever disappointing you, bye"

I sigh, letting the tears fall, next is Toby, but I don't get Voicemail.

"Hey Spence"

"Hi"

"So, why did you ring me"

"I have to say something"

"Sure, fire away"

"I'm ugh, leaving, and I just wanted to say, I'm sorry and if I ever disappointed you I didn't mean to, tell the girls it will be okay. Um And I really hope I still carry a peice if your heart, as selfish as I sound, because you will always have a peice of mine"

"... Spencer, what are you doing"

"Tell them not to come looking for me"

"Spencer! Spencer no please no!! You don't have to do this"

"Bye Toby"

I sigh, leaning my head back, one more person to go, but this time it's just a text, I open Calebs number, and start to write.

 _You showed me what it was like to be in love again,_

 _What it was like to be broken by love again,_

 _But in the long run, it's okay,_

 _Take care of Hanna, love her with all your heart,_

 _Spencer_

I sigh back, and let the music overcome me.

 _I just ride,_

 _I just ride,_

 _I just ride,_

I then grab the bottle of pills, and swallow them all, not hesitating, it will al be over soon.

 **Hannas P O V**

"I like the name Lily, or maybe Grace...", I suggest, ever since Spencer left about half an hour ago we've been bored and trying to come up with baby names for Ali's baby.

"There nice, I love them", says Emily, "me too".

But at that moment the loud sound of running, footsteps and heels come before us, "Hey Mona", I smile, "where's Spencer?", she say, her voice fast and eager. "I don't know, why?", Emily asks, eyeing both Alison and I about Mona.

"I saw her at the pharmacy and she was really weird and buying sleeping pills and balling her eyes out and I didn't realise what she's going to do until now", she adds, her voice breaking and tears filling her eyes.

"What do you think she's going to do", asks Alison, slightly confused like the rest of us. "I think she's going to kill herself".

"Guys!" I hear behind me as well, I turn around to see Toby, frantic and crying. "Where the hell is Spencer", he asks, waiting desperately for a reply.

"I don't know", I choke out, confused and shocked, why would Spencer kill herself, she's way to smart for that.

"She just rang me and told me to not come looking for her and that she was sorry and that she loved me", he says, putting his face in his hands and turning around.

"I saw her crying and buying a bunch of pills", she says to Toby, "fuck!" He curses.

I don't know what to think, I barely even realise I'm crying before I feel the tears on my face, I look over at Emily and Alison, "I need to get Caleb to trace her phone so we can stop her", I cry, everybody nods there heads in agreement.

At that very moment I seen him enter the Radley holding his laptop, "CALEB!!" I scream, he looks at us, running over, "Spencers gonna kill herself! Can you track her phone?"

 **20 minutes later**

"Are you sure it's here", Aria asks, crying as well, we picked her up on the way to find Spencer, Calebs thingy tracker said that she was on the top of Rosewood, the cliff.

"I'm positive", Caleb says, pulling up on the gravel road.

"Wait...", Caleb asks, looking at all of us, "maybe you guys should stay back, just I case she's", - "don't say it", interrupts Alison who's balling, as well as the rest of us.

We all step out of the car, looking around and shaking, I see her, we all do. I swallow. She's far away, on the very edge of the cliff, lying down.

 **Calebs P O V**

I gulp, I see her, lying in the ground almost as if she's sleeping, I don't know if she's dead or not. I start to walk towards her, I know this is partly my fault.

She looks so beautiful, her face is pale, she just looks like she's sleeping. I pick her up in my arms bridal style, her cold and limp body pressed tight against my chest, I know she's dead, there's no denying it.

I turn around, my tears dripping onto her, everybody's staring at me, I know they know that she's not coming back, that she's gone. It's the saddest thing ever seen, everybody just looking at me, silently sobbing and they're bodies shaking, secretly hoping she's got a chance.

 _But hope breeds eternal misery_

 **So that turned out a lot more depressing than expected... Well anyway I hope you guys liked this! I honestly cried about three times writing it. Please follow, fav, comment and review, it means the world to me! Xoxo**


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